50+ American English Pronunciation ideas in 2020

In a short *sit* I'm going to try to tell my story
My situation as a lot of people right now is not the best because of coronavirus and I almost homeless I not going to complain about it and show myself as a miserable person
as a matter of fact is quite the opposite I feel better than I ever in my entire life, and I'm not even being sarcastic but my life was so freaking horrible that I develop
an ability to be comfortable even in the worst of the situations, well almost all of the situations that's is more or less the center of my story.
=context=
Just like the majority of crappy tales this starts with someone as a child and this wouldn't be the exception. I grew up in one of the worst Venezuelans slums "tocuyito" one of the biggest prisons of the country is there; they are also rumors about cannibalism inside the prison and sometimes I get to see people killed in front of my old home so you can have a little idea what is like to live on the south americans slums.
Growing in the slum wasn't so bad... well it was awful actually, drugs, violence, se*ual abuse you name it. We had everything in the slum.
One of my first memories living there was that every evening my dad tried to teach me the multiplication tables. He made me memorize them and if for some reason I just forgot one of the results he beat me with a stick and pulled me from my ears till I cried. Those were some awful times. I was so scared of math that sometimes I pisses myself in school on math class, and in kindergarten I had the best teacher in the world Magda was her name if I remember correctly
She taught me how to make beautiful paintings for a kid and how to cut paper with scissors without cutting myself.
Someday she get sick and for half of the year we had this substitute teacher and this woman was just crazy,she force us to make some weird hand making shit and drawings and no one really can do it because it was so difficult for an infant I remember that she sat all kids that can’t perform those tasks in the “dumb chair” and after that she would beat you in front of everyone.
I was almost traumatized to go there and I was almost traumatized to go home with my dad waiting for me, it was a pretty uncomfortable situation. It was impossible to get rid of that teacher because in the 90s it was actually legal to beat kid at school in the Venezuelan education system.
But one day I got a Super Nintendo as a gift, from a religious organization for poor people on christmas or something like that I think it was like they gave stuff to miserable kids. With only Two cartridges I was in heaven Super Mario World and Donkey Kong , man these games stick in my mind, they help me to pass over a lot of stuff. My parents don't let me play the games because they said that this stuff made people crazy and could destroy your eyes, you know, classic boomer stuff. And the only thing that I could do was spend hours and hours looking at the art of the cartridge and imagining how it would be to play all the other games on the console and how it would be to go to Yohi’s in Dinosaur Island and live there forever.
=Being=
Being weird or not being what is considered a "normal" person in a third world country is a hard thing to achieve if not an impossible thing sometimes. And I've been a pretty weird person all my life, Here's an example I don't know how to define my sexual orientation butI think I like persons of the oposite and same sex but at the same time I just don't feel as a man.does it make sense to you? because it still is even confusing for me and since I grew up in a conservative family I'd never been able to express how I really felt about my sexuality. I was curious about all the thinking that circle inside my mind and I ask: what are these thoughts about other men? Why am I so sick? no one should never know that, but it was an *overwhelming* feeling I just can't hide it so i decided to reveal myself and show what I really feel. I try to share that happiness with others so I go and visited one of my friends she helped me to express myself, I remember I put a lot silly makeup all over my face some color in my tabs and in some weird way I felt i was conquering the work i was so happy like in no other moment in my life at
that moment.I went home and showed my mom how happy I was, told her and explain about the sensation, my heart was rushing like it was about to explode o my God I was so happy
after my mom witness the scene he said: "You are really lucky that your father isn't here because if he was the one who saw that he could even kill you" and after that
She beat me so hard that I can even remember his nails in my face.
I just get tired of always being tagged as an awful person for being different all these kinds of situations and a lot more, made me a really shy person and I started to alienate myself from the world everyday, more alone and miserable like staying alive in death as some kind of zombie .
=adulthood=
Is not hard to guess that I slowly start to transform in some kind of ghoul, just living in my parents house as a parasite scared of everything always rejecting to get out and see the light
I'm not really proud of it. I don't really blame my parents. I mean they just took me there as a parasite and fed me. I don't know why they kept me there.
=work=
You probably are going to hate me for that but I lived as a parasite and I never got the courage to get out of my home until I was 24 because both of my parents died, actually the only family I got alive is my grandma but I never got to know her. I had to start working doing whatever I can Luckily, some friend of my dad found me a job cleaning stuff, it wasn't the best but it wasn't the worst either, I was perfectly able to do it.
=putting an end=
One day in my 26 birthday I decided to end everything in a very painful way by burning myself I really don't know why or how I was able to do such a thing but when depression
takes you to the root of your soul you're not able to think properly and you can do things that could be really dangerous. I got myself covered with some flammable liquid and started the flame but I underestimated how hard my biological desire of staying alive and I decided to jump into the water tank of the house and turn off the fire. I think I still have the pictures of that, they help me to remember how different my life was at that moment. By luck they were pretty superficial burnings ,after a while one friend of mine made a visit and found me on the floor and he gave me assistance , the worst decision in my life to do something like that.
=leaving the country=
After that incident I can't live anymore in there so I sold my parents house for 800$ what is the average price for a house in the slums. While I was moving on with my life, the crisis in Venezuela was exploding and I maybe took the best
decision in my life TO LEAVE THE COUNTRY.
=living as a homeless person=
When I finally came to Perú I wasn't the best person for working at anything, without experience without any kind of paperwork I easily end up in the streets living as a homeless
person, and what can I say the streets are really unkind, I had to do awful and unspeakeble things like having sex with people for food or stealing things in supermarkets,
but someday I was in the floor sleeping like everyday and some old lady by the name of Gladys if i remember correctly speak to me about his church and how they helped a lot of people in the streets she helped me to get on trail and I got a pretty basic job delivering stuff and doing anything I can, after a couple of months I was
just walking on the sidewalk and I see an AD in the wall of one restaurant "we are looking for workers in service" it says, so i decided to make a cv an ask the manager, to my surprise he accepted me and I started to work as a waitehelper
=My work as a waiter=
I don't know how but I managed to get a work in a restaurant here in the capital without any kind of paperwork as a waiter for almost one and a half year and
It was absolutely scary, but after one or two months I was amazed when I got to know people from all over the world, France, Thailand, Ukraine, Poland, Japan.
it wasn't the best job in the market but hey at least it was a job MY FIRST REAL JOB, I felt like I was impersonating someone so secure of myself and so confident, suddenly
i didn't feel any fear inside of me anymore I was full of adrenaline I thought I can do anything I propose myself to do and well *since* I don't have any type of education
i thought that would be the best way to start develop my capacities, that's why I decided to learn English so I left my work in the restaurant and take a job as a clerk
In a little store to get time for learning English the payment was even worse but I was able to get time to study Python and English grammar and pronunciation.
=Medical condition=
I've been a really bad student all my life. My concentration was awful. Always tortured with incredibly painful headaches, that affects me in relation to my sleep and diet but since I found documentation about the name of the “condition” or type of headaches I discovered that they were called "headaches with auras” or something like that they really *ucked my cocentration on school when I was a kid however I went to the doctor for that and he told me that I had a serotonin deficiency and after a year of meditation and concentration exercises I have been able to overcome it and my life just changed again. I can focus on anything now and everything seems so different. I can read and educate myself without the horrible pain in my head, it's like living a totally different life.
=Everything changed=
I get enough money to buy a pc so everything seems really easy now. I find myself in a pretty good position in my perspective. I was dating my first girlfriend and much more than that It was absolutely amazing. I was learning new stuff. Now it wasn’t was extremely hard to get my mind focus to learn new things specially math when I was trying to learn i just remember my
dad screaming at me, pulling my ears and telling awful stuff but now I just can totally focus and stay away from everything outside my goal. It took me almost nine months to put myself on trial. The videos of the Dr jordan peterson help me a lot with that
=Learning English and coding=
I started to learn English at the end of last year (that's why my english is so crappy) and also started to learn to code. I choose Python-django(it is a beautiful language) and the basics of Html and Js, my goal is to learn data analysis some day. The math is a little hard but with practice it isn’t as hard as I thought . It is amazing how many things you can learn in the world of programming, especially in web scraping but I'm still pretty green in the field.
=After coronavirus=
After the pandemic everything start to become really difficult, specially for foreigners I wasn't able to had a job anymore and I started to get overwhelmed by debt because
I'm renting and I can't pay anymore since I don't have a job and i only have money enough to buy some food, I was trying to work in a data entry site but it isn't worth anymore because they are too many people in there, I'm trying to get a job with my English or coding skills but I guess I haven't reached a good level yet i try to go to interviews here but as soon as they hear my foreigner accent it is over..
=Live as a foreigner in quarantine=
It is not an easy thing trying to live as a foreigner in another country specially without paperwork, I was able to do some jobs but everyday things seem to be more difficult. Sometimes I feel that people just want to spit in my face when they listen to my accent. I try to take any job I can no matter how tough or filthy it could be but day by day is harder and harder I was even selling things on the streets like candys or someshit like that but is one of the worst thing that you can do especially because people is so mean sometimes, I don’t blame them but man it really feels bad when someone looks at you like some low life scum without any kind of worth.
= I actually found a job=
Maybe a lot of people are going to say something like "this guy's too lazy for just getting a job he should get one" And I actually get one since I've been looking for some like a madman it's a fun story I guess, it was the only job I found were you can work without documentation or previous prove experience. When i finally get to the place it results what was a call center for scamming people and I'm not going to lie and tell you that I'm the most correct and honorable person and I didn't take the job because I did, but when I was there at the cheap office I had to speak with the tipical *greasy hair* leader of the operation he told me that I had to talk with mostly elderly people on English speaking countries something about giftcards or some
shit like that and I felt really bad about it, but even not feeling good about it I was willing to try. sometimes the desire for survival is even stronger than your morals
and when i get the phone i find out that i just can't do it no matter how hard I tried it just *felt* so... wrong, there're so many old people that have been giving me help in this country and they just fired me xD.
I actually lost like a half of all the money I had paying transportation to go to this place, so I lost the last that I had, because it was located in the most extreme point of the city and after that
now I had nothing, not even for food.I was just so I don't know, confused? because I didn't know what was the worst, the attempt to be a scammer or the failed attempt to be a scammer.
After that I’ve tried to make some work as a freelancer, trying to teach spanish to people or making some silly things with coding or automating data bases but competition online it’s impossible for beginners on the internet and now i just don’t have more time to work on a profile.
=living alone=
I don't have anyone, no family, friends, pets or anything, I don't have any bounds that force me to anything so I'm free to choose any path I want and that freedom sometimes makes my mind wondering, it is becoming to create thoughts outside my conscious thoughts that I don’t even would thing on a normal situation, like how painful would be to take my own life? how many minutes of suffering before my head just crushed against the floor? It is just one second of suffering compared to getting back on the streets. The next week they are going to cut off the internet and electricity because I am till my freaking head of bills, the landlord doesn’t know anything about it but when he finds out maybe he’s going to kick me off, and I guess that i can’t blame him.
=**What to do?**=
I'm starting to thing that you know maybe it is just impossible to get out of the slum it always will stick in your mind, no matter what you do you always will be what you are,
maybe that is just the end of the story, so i decided that I should *ill myself it is the only outcome I see. I can't get a job, everything is in quarantine, I even tried to pick up garbage and recycle it, worked a little with it, but the government closed the recycling places because people said they were focused on contamination for coronavirus. At least I tried to do everything to get better, maybe after trying and trying is the only right thing to do, don’t you think so?, because everything seems just impossible for me. I don't want to end in the streets again. I don’t know, maybe it's time to give up, and finally putting an end to everything, maybe non educated people like me just can’t compete in the world these days and if that is a reality, well I guess I can't really do anything against that.. What I have done may be a little for you, but for me those were big achievements and an amazing trip. I got to see things that I'd never imagined I would be able to see when I was in the slum.
I just know that no matter what happens in the future, I'm in peace with whatever happens to me., I'm happy with all the things I learned so far.
So the big question is. what would you do in my position? What do you think is the right path to choose? and what do you think about my writing? take in count that I barely speak English.
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Nihilism is the death of duty, the reborn of soul, is the step the changes us forever in the abysmal of nothingness.

So throughout 2019 I lived in the USA and dwelled a life of being extremely exposed to the new language together with studying hard the target tongue. I got back to Brazil in January and since we’re under quarantine I didn’t have so much opportunities to socialize Mostly I still use more English than Portuguese, unless I really need to use Portuguese I thought my accent in Portuguese would return to the normal sooner, but it turns out I don’t have a native accent neither in English nor Portuguese I sound like an american in Portuguese and people can’t really say where I’m from when I speak English. The things is I’ve been studying lots of English phonetics, stress, melody and etc and this is internalizing in my mind at the point I’m replacing some sounds in Portuguese with English sounds Such as Schwa In unstressed syllables, my d and t are different Sometimes I have to think to speak properly in terms of pronunciation In terms of vocabulary and grammar I’ve caught up already though